When I started this, I thought finding records would be my biggest roadblock. I had no clue how wrong that was until I started tracking down people who are still living to get information from them. One could say I’ve turned into a bit of an amateur internet stalker.

Most of the people I have talked to that I don’t really have a tangible connection to have been on Ancestry; it’s easy to share details on there because there’s sort of this understanding that you all have the common goal of expanding your tree. That is how I originally got in touch with the Canadian side of my family. Off Ancestry, however, it’s quite a different story. I’ve seen social media for people who are related but so far removed from me that I sometimes didn’t have a name I could give them that I felt confident they could recognize. I have addresses, phone numbers, emails for people who have no clue I exist.

Now, sometimes I have used this information. I contacted my grandma’s brother through his work email (I have strong doubts he knew who I was before) and I’m also in the process of contacting someone I think might be related to me in Sremska Mitrovica. I’ve contacted other Canadian relatives on Facebook (and have recently heard back from one) but those have mostly gone unanswered. I realized pretty early on that outside of Ancestry it comes of as something of a Nigerian prince scheme. It’s like, “hey, you don’t know me but I think we’re related and I can show you how. But I don’t know everything so please give me info k thanks.” Even to people that I have tangible connections to, people who know people who know me, it was often difficult to get information. And at first I didn’t understand why, but then I realized that of course they’re skeptical about talking to me—I’m basically a stranger to them. 

Being a stranger in situations like these is a hard thing to grasp. On one hand, I want to say that I’m family, no matter how close we aren’t we’re still related and what’s not to trust? But that is a very naïve thing to believe, and now I’m almost embarrassed by admitting that I had those thoughts. The truth is, whether or not we’re related we still don’t know each other. The question isn’t why wouldn’t they trust me, but why should they? We may be technically family but when it comes down to it I probably know more about my neighbor’s friend’s boyfriend whom I’ve never met. I probably know more about Britney Spears than I do them, and they don’t know much, if anything, about me either. Thus, the real challenge becomes building trust.

How do I build trust? Mostly, I try to keep the topic on what I already have. I talk about what information I want for the book and what I want for my own personal records. The thing I should do is try to address concerns about sharing information but, alas, I’m not too good at this one. The biggest problem with that is I can’t give people a good reason to share information with me. I know no one has to share information with me but I love it when they do. As I’m writing this, I’m actually thinking of ways I could make people more comfortable talking to me that I’ll probably try in the future.

In the mean time, this will have to do:

My name is Britt Salay. I’m one of four kids, I like cats, and I work at both a coffee shop and a TV station. I like cold pizza for breakfast and oatmeal for dinner. I’ve lived in Indiana my whole life and quite like it (except for the manure smell in some of the rural areas). I like to keep my Christmas lights up year-round in my room. I love my boyfriend, I like my car, and I like M&Ms in my popcorn. Most of all, I want to get to know you as a person and I want to share what research I have with you. Genealogy is important to me; it’s one of the only hobbies I picked up that I’ve consistently held on to over the years. I’m trusting, I think I’m funny (don’t ask anyone, take my word for that), and most of all I have very strong opinions on pizza toppings.

Hit me up, fam.